I am a lucky lady. Yeah, yeah, I'm still trying to get my Mojo back, but in the meantime, I realize that I am one lucky woman, missing Mojo and all. Because.......I have the world's best husband.
Sorry ladies, I do, and he's mine, all mine, you can't have him he's mine. Let me tell you why, or at least give you the cliff notes because I'm saving the juicy deets for myself.
My husband loves me enough to let me be crazy and just go along with it. And I am crazy, make no mistake.
He works his butt off all week, and comes home hoping to relax, or go for a ride, or you know, do something he wants to do, or do nothing at all and uh oh......I get an idea. You might think this would be no big deal, but you would be wrong.
When I get an idea, it usually has to do with building something, painting, digging, planting, moving something, assembling something, taking something apart, and then probably moving it back to where it was, putting it back together, taking it back down, you get the picture. Our home is one big undone project because I come up with great ideas that he puts into action, then change my mind in the process, or stop at picking a paint color, or get sidetracked by a new idea and he has to start on that one. Or..... I might have a really good idea for a clean healthy recipe, like all natural homemade veggie burgers! YUM! Okay, I didn't make him eat those, but he would have, and he has had enough brown rice to last a lifetime because I think it's healthier, and he doesn't like brown rice.
This weekend, was a long weekend for us, I wasn't feeling well, and he stayed home a couple of days with me. I'm not working right now so I have alot of time on my hands. ALOT of time to think, come up with GREAT ideas. For instance, we got an ad in the mail for those medical exams, where they take ultrasounds of your main arteries to see if you are at risk for strokes or heart attack. They happened to be giving these exams (for a fee of course) at a local church on a day he was home. I should note here that the week before, we lost a friend at the age of 49 years due to an unexpected stroke. Just went outside to feed the dogs, and had a stroke and died. Sooo.... I gave my husband the ad, and asked him to go for the exam. I could see he didn't want to really, I'm sure he thinks I am overreacting because he usually does (maybe I usually do, but don't tell him I admitted it), but he just said, okay, if you want me to. That's it! No argument, no discussion, I didn't even have to give my prepared speech (of course I prepared a LONG one, which was wasted and I will now have to archive it for future use!). He just knew I needed him to do it, and he loves me enough so he did it. We went, and he has had it done and I'm happy. I feel better. You would think his good deed was over for at least the weekend but you would be wrong again....
Good idea #2. Let's get rid of the bed in the spare room and really turn that in to the exercise room. Should only take a few minutes and I can help, right?? Ha! Not only am I useless as I possess no physical strength or mechanical ability, did you know it takes quite a bit of time to take apart a bed, move a computer and set it up in another room (if you want it connected to the internet via a cable in the wall), set up a television in a wall bracket and arrange exercise equipment (which btw, I can't even use right now but that's another story) to fit in the room?? Yup, quite a bit of time.... Oh well, he can relax now, right??
Wrong!! Hey! I Know! Let's plant a vegetable garden! It'll be easy cuz last weekend we were at my mother in law's house, and she gave me some ice-plant clippings and a cactus. I do not have anything like a green thumb so when she said just stick it in the ground and it will grow, and I stuck it in the ground and it didn't wither and die, I decided to pull a few weeds. That wasn't so bad, so maybe we should plant those veggies I've been wanting.....just a few, I know I can help with that! Well, SEVERAL hours later, we have a huge vegetable garden, probably about 100 sq ft, maybe more, soil all dug up and properly fertilized, complete with new sprinkler, several types of tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, cucumber, a couple rows of lettuce, spinach, green beans, green onions, cantaloupe, broccoli, and brussel sprouts. My contribution? Picking out the veggies, and planting some basil, and some little cactus (cacti?) in pots on the patio. Oh, and pulling some weeds, I don't want my beautiful new vegetable garden taken over by weeds.
And later, when my wonderful husband told me that tomorrow he just wanted to take it easy, and have a lazy day, I said "yeah, I know, I'm kinda sore and tired and feeling icky from pulling all those weeds". And my husband, just kissed me and said "poor baby". And he wasn't even being sarcastic.
BEST. HUSBAND. IN. THE. WORLD.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Unprepared
I have never been well prepared. For anything. As a child, I was never prepared for tests, or for what to tell my mom when I got caught doing something I knew I shouldn't. I could know all day long that I was gonna need a story when she got home from work and yet, I never had one. I once climbed down a sheet ladder I made from a second story window, like they teach you to do during in fire safety week in the 3rd grade. Once I got down, I realized that A: The front door was locked and I didn't have a key; and B: I ditched school so I couldn't get the spare from the neighbor for about 4 hours yet; and C: I was not prepared to climb back up that sheet to get back into my apartment.
I have 4 children of my own, 3 of them happy surprises, if you can believe a full grown woman can be surprised by such a blessing. Actually it wasn't really a surprise I suppose, I was aware of the possibility, but due to my commitment to unpreparedness.... you get the picture. And twins!!! Who is prepared for twins?? Even the first which was planned, I was still totally unprepared for as I was but a child myself.
I was unprepared to fall in love with my husband, and even less prepared for him to love me back! Holy smokes who could see that coming!!! And lets not even pretend you can prepare to be step-mom to 5 children. You can be a lot of things (like lucky) but prepared is not one of them.
So it's no surprise that I find myself unprepared for my current situation. I am a 40 year old woman, (still) raising adolescent children, just gone through and extremely difficult time in my marriage, and still going through dramatic lifestyle changes such as chronic illness, loss of employment due to the illness, loss of social life, and believe it or not, the beginning of empty nest syndrome.
Yes, empty nest syndrome. 4 of our children are grown and out of the house, one with a family of her own! My 18 year old has moved out twice in the last few months, each time on bad terms. I didn't expect a miraculous exit from home to college, or to great paying job and house of his own as in my fantasies, but I expected a little planning (who was I kidding) and an easier, pleasant transition that did not include him being ripped away from me (or sprinting away actually) followed by a painful silent treatment. So even though I still have some birdies in the nest, they are but a few blinks away from flying the coop themselves, and are wanting more independence from me, and I am (gasp) unprepared for this.
In essence, I think I lost part of myself (I'll call her Mojo, even though it's overused, it fits) in recent years, due to my own lack of preparation for these events. I've heard about it, read about it, and seen friends go through it. But I didn't prepare myself for it.
My Mojo was great. She was FUN. She was pretty. She was thin but not skinny. She was healthy. She liked to dance, ride the Harley, loved to cook great food, play poker, play video games with the kids, spend tons of time with friends. She was a fun lover, and loved sex, and would often propose a quickie to her husband. She was funny and loved to laugh. She could be quiet and loved to read, and was never bored.
Without her, I am anxious, attractive enough but not pretty, skinny, always ill, too tired to dance, to tired and sore to ride the Harley cook only what is fast and healthy (like chicken breast and brown rice EVERY DAY, rarely play at all, hardly see the friends. Sex is still good but never spontaneous. I often laugh but am not often the comedian, and I am often bored and distracted. Which means I'm a drag, for others as well as myself.
So, I have to find her, and I am committing to doing so. I'll start here and I'm prepared for anything. If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her.
I have 4 children of my own, 3 of them happy surprises, if you can believe a full grown woman can be surprised by such a blessing. Actually it wasn't really a surprise I suppose, I was aware of the possibility, but due to my commitment to unpreparedness.... you get the picture. And twins!!! Who is prepared for twins?? Even the first which was planned, I was still totally unprepared for as I was but a child myself.
I was unprepared to fall in love with my husband, and even less prepared for him to love me back! Holy smokes who could see that coming!!! And lets not even pretend you can prepare to be step-mom to 5 children. You can be a lot of things (like lucky) but prepared is not one of them.
So it's no surprise that I find myself unprepared for my current situation. I am a 40 year old woman, (still) raising adolescent children, just gone through and extremely difficult time in my marriage, and still going through dramatic lifestyle changes such as chronic illness, loss of employment due to the illness, loss of social life, and believe it or not, the beginning of empty nest syndrome.
Yes, empty nest syndrome. 4 of our children are grown and out of the house, one with a family of her own! My 18 year old has moved out twice in the last few months, each time on bad terms. I didn't expect a miraculous exit from home to college, or to great paying job and house of his own as in my fantasies, but I expected a little planning (who was I kidding) and an easier, pleasant transition that did not include him being ripped away from me (or sprinting away actually) followed by a painful silent treatment. So even though I still have some birdies in the nest, they are but a few blinks away from flying the coop themselves, and are wanting more independence from me, and I am (gasp) unprepared for this.
In essence, I think I lost part of myself (I'll call her Mojo, even though it's overused, it fits) in recent years, due to my own lack of preparation for these events. I've heard about it, read about it, and seen friends go through it. But I didn't prepare myself for it.
My Mojo was great. She was FUN. She was pretty. She was thin but not skinny. She was healthy. She liked to dance, ride the Harley, loved to cook great food, play poker, play video games with the kids, spend tons of time with friends. She was a fun lover, and loved sex, and would often propose a quickie to her husband. She was funny and loved to laugh. She could be quiet and loved to read, and was never bored.
Without her, I am anxious, attractive enough but not pretty, skinny, always ill, too tired to dance, to tired and sore to ride the Harley cook only what is fast and healthy (like chicken breast and brown rice EVERY DAY, rarely play at all, hardly see the friends. Sex is still good but never spontaneous. I often laugh but am not often the comedian, and I am often bored and distracted. Which means I'm a drag, for others as well as myself.
So, I have to find her, and I am committing to doing so. I'll start here and I'm prepared for anything. If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her.
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